Hi guys,
So remember my previous post? I would love to remove it down. I feel so disappointed in myself. How did I let gaming take over my holidays. Gaming made everything got further from me. Some of my friends, since I always late reply them. I know how much the late reply feeling sucks. I know. I'm sorry friends. I let you guys down, even myself. I just realized 28 more days till the end of holidays. All I have been doing during this holiday was gaming. I did not even went out for like at least 3 days. Weekends I would be at home, same goes to weekdays.
It's such a disappointment to see that this crazy small little thing, can make you change your priorities. It's like no longer family first, friends second. It's more like gaming first, friends second, and family third. Why's that? You have gaming friends, so you skype with them the whole day, because you practically game for the whole day. Thus, neglecting your family. It's so weird right now, that I can treat my blog "lightly". If you get it. I always blog with WAY more feelings than the previous post. The previous post was more of a ranting post. Which was typed within like 10 minutes. Because I felt the need to SHARE with the world how dumb am I. Hey Aileen, your friends text you because they care. Yet, you are trying to push them away. Can't you see how dumb you can get? There was a chance, you did not seize it, you pushed it away.
This is why I feel dumb. Well, recently, I have been talking more on Whatsapp, but still, I feel so ashamed of myself that such a thing can happen to me. Oh well, better know the cause later, then never knowing it. I don't know why. I am those people who just can't change. Even if I promise to. (oops) It's like I know I am wrong, but I won't change, which I think it's because I'm stubborn. I do not like it when someone ask me to do something, neither do I like it when someone thinks I am not right. I always think I'm right, I'm right, I'm never wrong. You want me to change? Why not you change? I changed? No it's you. See my point. It's just my nature. I sometimes feel like killing myself when the old habits start to kick in again. It's like I AM WRONG, I KNOW IT. But I'm not doing anything to change.
For example, at the beginning of the holiday, I told myself, hey maybe I should blog more? I even motivated myself to go exercise during the holidays. DUDE, GUYS, THE OPPOSITE HAPPENED. I blogged lesser, and I got fatter. Yes, IT'S TRUE (don't judge). I hope that I could like perhaps change for the better now? Probably, stop making myself disappointed? Stop making my parents disappointed? Start working harder. Actually I have no idea what's the use of this post, when I don't change, haters will start to judge. Saying all the bullshits that I ALREADY KNOW. I am those lazy people who can't even change for the good. It's not like I want to. Those temptations. You. Can't. Resist.
28 more days guys. To the start of a new book. Hah. What a joke. Don't expect me to change. But still guys, expect the unexpected. That quote still gives me hope. You know, a little sense of assurance.
1 more month and I would be in school again. In secondary 3. I totally hope I would KNOW and CHANGE my priorities by then. Studies first, families second, friends third. < I have been hoping for that for my whole life. But hey, maybe something will hit me, and wake me up.
"So wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older." Gah I love that song.
Will be updating my blog about the R.U.N Event. A memorable event, made my whole body ache the day after. :-) Cheers.